I don't think I've ever been in such a stagnant position in my life. 

I legitimately feel like I haven't gone anywhere with my life in years.  I live in the same town, go to college less than 20 miles away from where I graduated high school, study something so generic that it's hard to feel like I haven't been doing it my whole life, and have been pretty depressingly single for something like more than 4 years now.  I guess it's hard to avoid the fact that the last point is more of a factor in my discontent than any of the others, because for the most part I don't dislike Amarillo, WT, or Graphic Design.  But that doesn't really change what I'm trying to say.  I think if I had some kind of consistent friendship(s), things would seem fine, except that I can't seem to connect enough with anyone to initiate real "hang out" types of friendships.  "Relationship/Communication skills:  -10 points"  One saving grace for this might be the fact that both of my brothers graduate from WT this semester, which will probably leave me in a position where I can't fall back on only eating lunch and hanging out with them during free time on campus.

It certainly doesn't help that for whatever reason I can't help but never move beyond doors that at best were only slightly opened in the first place... 


Sincerely,
I-Might-Suck-At-Life.

- Whirling, and whirling
Spinning silent and slick
Like Top on table,
Oil in place of friction -

- Flinging, and slinging
In directions that scatter
Is Light that flickers
With shadow spaces between -

- Flowing, and flowing
Moving slowly and cold
Like Water in river
Is death in place of life -

I'd say it's about time for some sort of update... given the new year and what not.  I don't think I set any resolutions last year, and I'm absolutely positive that if I did, I definitely did not follow through.  So that pretty much just leaves writing about experiences, of which I had very few memorable ones.  But tomorrow should be a good day to make my first great memory of the new year.  Going up to Dallas to actually see the Cotton Bowl in person.  I finally broke ground into being more into sports (not necessarily a good or bad thing), and spent most of the fall semester checking ESPN.com and cheering on a Kansas State football team that by all rights overachieved masterfully.  Taking part in a 4 person fantasy football league was also an interesting experience.  My team kind of raped and ended up winning the championship (although to be fair, the matchup was supposed to be 1 week, at which point it was tied, and I only pulled away during the accidental week 2 when my middle brother's entire team (basically) was injured), so I just want to send a shout out to record setting Drew Brees and Darren Sproles for leading my team to victory week after week.  Actually, the fact that they both set records was pretty much awesome.  They're both badasses so it makes me happy.

Haha, in more serious news, my oldest brother went through the process of getting engaged and becoming married in a matter of like 6 months.  His wedding was December 30th (of last year), and that was a blast.  Getting to be a part of a wedding party was definitely interesting, and I sang some sweet BGV's with everyone in my family (My parents played pretty much everything else) besides the brother getting married for the communion song.  Previous to those happy events, I get my first 4.0 of my college career.  I know, I know.  Significantly less important incident.  Whatever.  I blame my lack of work ethic for the 1 B per 15 hours that I managed to get in the two semesters before that.  But, you know what they say, third time is a charm.

Anyway, my personal life is bland as always.  Getting to hang out with friends during breaks is still a highlight, but I'd say it's sort of lost it's luster.  It seems to be in a sort of in between phase, for me at least.  I can only explain it in my own terms, but here's how I'd put it.  At some point we all had to accept that we'd go long periods of time without seeing each other, and a sort of independence has formed there.  It's still fun to see people, but if I can't I'm not going to be overly upset like I would have been during last year's Christmas break.  And on the other end of the spectrum, it hasn't been a long enough time for any sense of missing the friendship to sneak in and make the hang outs that much more fun.  Time will definitely make the situation different, so we'll see where that leads us.  (For any friends reading this, please understand that I'm not saying I don't enjoy seeing you.  I do enjoy it, immensely.  Just the overall feeling isn't the same.  That's the only point I'm trying to make.)

Anyway, with my brother all moved out, a severe lack of accessible friends during school, a job I'm currently trying to rid myself of, and a ping pong table that I got for Christmas, it looks like 2012 is shaping up to be an enormously different year.  I can only hope that it leads me somewhere great.

Thanks for reading,
Joshie D.


P.S. Cotton Bowl in 19 hours.  More excited than you can imagine.